Open Adoption
Are you familiar with Open Adoption?
If you are thinking of putting your baby up for adoption but are worried about never seeing your baby again, Open Adoption may be the perfect solution. I am looking forward to adopting my 2nd baby and feel that, in whatever capacity you are comfortable, I would like you to be involved in this baby's life via visits, phone calls, emails, photos, etc... Again, in whatever capacity you are comfortable.
What is Open Adoption?
Open adoption means that birthparents and adoptive parents have some knowledge about one another. The birthparents know something about the adoptive parents and may even help choose them. Adoptive parents and their children know medical and genetic information about the birth family and other information that might help in dealing with the issues that might develop at any time in the child's life.
Kyle's Birth Mother's Story
(in her own words, with permission, off of her MySpace site)
So yes Hi, I guess that I have noticed that a good amount of my friends don't know much about Me and JDs adoption choice we made with Kyle and so I thought that I could write about what went down so to speak with everything. Okay so I found out the day of my drug test I was taking to get into the Airforce, they came back with I was negative on my drug and positive on my pregnancy test. I remember that my heart was in my throat and that I did tear up for a minute or two. I was going for the Airforce because I wanted college and couldn't afford it on my own, even with JD. So I was sick with wondering how I was going to afford anything for myself let alone bring a child into that type of atmosphere. I talked it over with my friend Alyssa, she was the first person that I told. Then JD, I worried about the fact that Me and JD's relationship at that time wasn't as strong. So my fear was that we wouldn't be able to stay together for this. I know that if we tried to, we could make it work or find a way and still keep him. That and I watched my sisters struggle and still raise amazing and beautiful children whom I adore. But also I remember watching them having to go through so much and never having enough, enough time, energy, money, ect... I had to think of him first before myself, so I began looking at all I could find for someone in my position.
I found an Open Adoption web sight that listed profiles of people and their information, people unable to have children or just people who felt they could take on such a responsibility. I looked at about 5-6 and allot of them before anything else stated their religion, for exp; "Strong Catholic", or "Strong Lutheren Family!" and that honestly scared me. Then I came across Marcia's profile the first thing that it saw was "Your child will always know your love" and it grabbed me, I read her entire profile which was I think the largest one I found. She wasn't like the others because she was allot older then most and was single. But as I read on I saw that she had allot of respect and love for her family whom she wrote were her favored people. I wrote her and two other families, she was the only one to write back to me, next day even! We e-mailed each other every day and soon began talking on the phone, I felt her personality fit mine , she and I had so much in common, and she felt the same. She asked me to come to visit her and her family in Napa, California.
I had just quit my job a few weeks earlier because my morning sickness was so sever, and was losing too much weight. Pretty much the day after I found out, it started and never let up that was for the first three months. Working at Carbonies Pizzeria only made things worse, I honestly went entire day's without eating or keeping anything down. So yeah it was HELL! We lost our apartment after that because he lost his job while caring for me. I ended up living with moma and JD back at his mom's. Marcia offered to take Bear (my cat) for us because moma's condo didn't allow pets, and she would watch her for us until we found another place. So I agreed to fly out and meet her, JD found another job right away so he couldn't go with me and Bear. Then she took me home to meet her family it was wonderful, they were so kind and friendly to me, and never did I once feel uncomfortable or worried. She also told me that she had two nieces that were adopted into their family and you would never of guessed they were had you met them and not known the love in that family is so strong! She cooked for me and took me sight seeing even to the ocean and I was so excited I ran right into it up to my knees and she just laughed as I was ringing out my pants and shivering uncontrollably. Then she took Bear, me and Sage, her golden retriever to lake Tahoe to stay until I had to leave. It was so unbelievably beautiful, we went hiking and she told me about why she was unable to have children. But she felt like she lost her chance. Until some one said that open adoption was a good idea to look into and that it was different then just adopting, that you could meet and stay in contact with the birth parents and have a chance to share that child's life with them. She loved the idea and jumped right in. She told me the whole story of how she was scammed once and her heart was crushed. She said to me then that she didn't care what happens and that no matter what she loved me and would only want for me to do what I honestly believed to be right for me. I knew after hearing this that I had to fear what I would actually want after he was born and that I would never use her in anyway to my benefit. I also found out while there what her birthday was and astounded realized it was the same day we conceived! It to me felt like fate, the day after I got home I found out that he was in fact a BOY!
Marcia also after a few months came to visit me and my family so they could have a chance to know before hand who I had been speaking of and to give me the same respect I gave her family. They fell in love with her as I did. And we were in constant communication every day after that. Finally the day came that I got to make the call, and instantly she said she was on her way. I was not contracting yet but my water had ruptured so I was admitted that was at 4am. Moma, Jenny(sister/coach),Alyssa(B.F.), and of course JD(b/f and father) were there, we played cards and listened to music until 3pm when a midwife came into tell me that because I had no been contracting yet that I would have to be induced. So because me and JD had learned (lamaz/Jen) that, that meant forcing contractions faster then they would naturally happen,and that pain and sickness often occurred, we took some alone time to prepare.A half an hour later they hooked me up, it was extremely painful and I did get sick for a moment, but JD never left my side and on top of that we all went to whispering to one another so that I would stay calm and not lose control. It took about two hours all together after I began pushing that he was ready and since I didn't want to go through back labor on the bed, I had him standing up! Marcia made it there 20 mins before and was able to witness our son being born! It was Amazing and an Incredible experience that I will never forget and would do a 100 times over!
She and Kyle stayed with us in Minnesota for 4 weeks and that was the best 4 weeks of my life! It didn't hurt when he left because of all the love surrounding my son, I felt secure knowing that he will never have to worry about anything, and that he will only know love! She and I stay in contact and she sends me tons of pictures. She just bought a house with a huge back yard that meets a creek for the three of them, and thinks he is the most brilliant boy alive! He sings and dances and laughs all the time, she says he is the happiest child she'd ever seen! I am happy knowing these things and so is JD and our family.
I love my life and wanted to share a small part of why. I hope this helps anyone who wasn't sure what exactly went on while I was pregnant and away. Oh and he was born healthy except for some with drawl symptoms from caffine because I only ate chocolate those last three months, (LOL) he was 8lbs 14 ounces and Blonde with Blue eyes! still is too!
Thank you to everyone who supported us and know I love you - Drc
